Total Pageviews

Monday, March 25, 2013

Late Night Posting... Insomnia

Right now it's 4:39 a.m.

This is not a good thing.  I should be sleeping.  I almost was, but the snoring kept me from going completely out.  I don't blame Mark, he is sick and there have been many nights when I have kept him awake with my snoring.  I moved rooms but I have a hard time with other mattresses and to be honest my mind has been quite awake after an unintentionally stressful rehearsal.  For the last month we have been focusing on choreography as that is when the schedules have allowed for it so it has meant a very jam packed month with a lot of moves for the cast to learn.  For me, it was a lot of being there but the focus was not on my stuff.  That's okay, but I do prefer to layer choreography in earlier and interspersed with scene work so that there is a little more time between rehearsals for the actors to reinforce the moves and at the same there is time where I am working with them on scenes so that the continuity and structure of my rehearsal pattern is maintained.  I think my cast has handled it well, but the problem with the month intensive (12 rehearsals - a lot of choreography) is that I worry they will feel overwhelmed in the right now.  I know and they know we are still over a month out and we will have plenty of time to practice it all and clean it and get to the point where it is second nature, but it the moment it can feel like a lot. Also, I will be honest, the schedules suck. People are busy and have lives and go on vacation or have work conflicts or get sick or have other commitments and that means they miss.  We haven't really had the time to fill in the missing bodies to the degree that I would have liked and I think for those who now have to catch up it might be intimidating.  And I, sponge like director that I am, am sucking in all that apprehension and stress. I have my own stress about schedules.  I have had many people tell me that I am too nice, but I honestly believe that if a person comes to me with a conflict that it is a legitimate conflict, however, it starts to add up for me.  Every request piles up and I start to worry - will we ever have everyone in the same room? Right now we do, on paper, and I have all these TBAs that I am hoping we won't need, but without all the bodies being there I need to keep them in reserve so that I can be sure that we will have the most amazing show.  Which means more rehearsals for everyone, instead of fewer.  With this cast we should have the most phenomenal show.  The talent is in the room. So I want to make sure that I do my part to get them there.  I also sensed that a couple of the cast were not having a great time tonight.  I think I have a high empathy level and for some of them I knew there was stuff going on (not to do with their show per se) so I could feel that a few people were having a less than fabulous time.  I checked in with a couple of them - and felt the stress of not being able to make things better. So I have lain awake for the past few hours tumbling all this stress over in my brain, knowing that I can't own it all and hoping that the arising conflicts stop rolling in and that all will be well and that perhaps Mark will stop snoring soon so I can go back to my bed.

Right now it's 5:01 a.m. I am so glad that the kids are in camp tomorrow. I don't think I would be able to deal with them at home after I have only had 2 1/2 hours of sleep...

No comments: