You are not doing your kids any favours...
Still fuming and it was hours ago...
Today I took Oliver to Drama class. We have had some issues with Oliver in class because he has a "hugging" and "touching" problem. Oliver is a bit of an over-affectionate child and when he is excited he tends to hug and grab excessively. We are aware of this and about a month ago there was a report that he hit another child. Although we doubted the veracity of the hitting report, we totally bought the "he has trouble keeping his hands to himself" and we began working with him and supporting the teacher with strategies to help curb this behaviour The hitting report was un-verifiable. Neither of the 2 teachers (2 teachers - 13 kids) saw it and Oliver was adamant that he did not hit someone. As his mother, I have never known Oliver to "successfully" lie. He lacks guile so the few occasions he has tried to lie, it was very apparent. I believe him. Regardless we put a behaviour plan in motion, with weekly reports from the teacher to indicate how his day went. Since then, the last three weeks he has had "good" to "great" reports from the teacher with no reports of hitting and a marked improvement in the "hands to himself".
So today, as we were leaving going down the stairs, Oliver was talking to another boy in his class. I recognized his talk as a joking banter, not mean or even teasing. The other boy, however, reacted oddly, as though Oliver were saying mean things. I thought that was odd but I told Oliver to stop. The boy in question was Paul, who Oliver frequently talks about and often refers to as his 'best friend' in drama, so I thought nothing of it when, at the bottom of the stairs, he ran up to Paul to say good bye. Paul acted like he was under attack - which to me seemed off the scale. I went to get Oliver to leave Paul alone as I figured something was up when Paul's Mother lit into Oliver. I was taken aback and rushed him out, but looked back at her through the window. She was so rude I wanted to say something, but I figured with the kids being in class together I did not want to make a big deal about it and started to walk away. I figured this was her issue and maybe she was having a bad day. Besides Oliver didn't seem to be bothered by it. As I left though, she came out after me and confronted me saying "Yes? Is there something you wish to say to me?" I looked at her, thinking CRAZY LADY... And said, "No, it's alright". She insisted, "No. You were going to say something to me. What was it?" I can tell she's angry at me and I am thinking, Hey Crazy Lady - you were the rude one...
So I said I felt she was rude to Oliver and I didn't appreciate the tone. She lit into me. Was I aware that just 2 weeks ago Oliver was "bugging" Paul 10X and he wouldn't stop (waving his hands in his face?). And was I aware that last week Oliver was tickling Paul 5X and he wouldn't stop. I realized that in light of her bizarre off-the-scale rudeness to Oliver and this outrage over tickling and waving hands in her son's face that this was the parent who complained about Oliver hitting (not verifiable and certainly in doubt due to a lack of reliable witnesses). She had singled out Oliver as a little monster who was obviously deserving of being spoken rudely to. I indicated to her (angrily I must admit - I was under attack and so was Ollie) that I had received reports for the last 3 weeks that Oliver's behaviour had been "good to great" and that I preferred to trust the assessment of the adults in the room as opposed to a six year old. At this time, Katrina, the teacher happened to walk by and get trapped in the argument. I asked for back-up on the behavioral reports which she supplied. I felt bad for her. I didn't want to be talking to the woman, and I can imagine that she was feeling like she was in an awkward position between the two of us.
Do I think that Oliver is the perfect child - heck no! And am I supporting the teacher with the plan for helping Oliver behave better - heck yes! Do I agree with this woman? Heck no! She is definitely an over-protector who likely asks her child every day after class "Did Oliver do anything to you today?" to which the child responds "yes" because he is getting attention. He even backed off the tickling story when confronted by myself and the teacher in the company of his mother. This leads me to believe that perhaps he is getting something out of it. He is clearly one of those quiet, odd, children that doesn't like physical contact even when it is positive or accidental. But the behaviour described by both boys was well within the normal range of behaviour for children of this age. She wanted my child to modify his behaviour, however, she had no expectation for her child to modify his. She was definitely not a reliable witness. I was there on the steps. She said Oliver was "taunting" Paul and that Paul said "Please stop, Oliver, you are annoying me." I was there. I heard Paul mumble something, but if that's what he said it was in no way audible to myself or Oliver. Oliver was clearly NOT "taunting". She also said she wasn't rude when she spoke to Oliver. I heard her. When she recited again what she said is was so modified that it was laughable. I wouldn't have turned back or even noticed if that's how she spoke.
The sad thing is that I don't think there was really a problem between the kids. During the whole exchange they stood together talking looking in the windows at the Citadel. As the other mother once again referred to Oliver as the problem I gestured to the two boys and said "the PROBLEM is not with the kids - look at them. The sad thing is that Oliver thinks that Paul is the coolest kid in the class and you have managed to make Paul think that Oliver is harrassing him, when really he just likes him. The problem is here" - and I pointed to her. I don't think she got it.
Today I took Oliver to Drama class. We have had some issues with Oliver in class because he has a "hugging" and "touching" problem. Oliver is a bit of an over-affectionate child and when he is excited he tends to hug and grab excessively. We are aware of this and about a month ago there was a report that he hit another child. Although we doubted the veracity of the hitting report, we totally bought the "he has trouble keeping his hands to himself" and we began working with him and supporting the teacher with strategies to help curb this behaviour The hitting report was un-verifiable. Neither of the 2 teachers (2 teachers - 13 kids) saw it and Oliver was adamant that he did not hit someone. As his mother, I have never known Oliver to "successfully" lie. He lacks guile so the few occasions he has tried to lie, it was very apparent. I believe him. Regardless we put a behaviour plan in motion, with weekly reports from the teacher to indicate how his day went. Since then, the last three weeks he has had "good" to "great" reports from the teacher with no reports of hitting and a marked improvement in the "hands to himself".
So today, as we were leaving going down the stairs, Oliver was talking to another boy in his class. I recognized his talk as a joking banter, not mean or even teasing. The other boy, however, reacted oddly, as though Oliver were saying mean things. I thought that was odd but I told Oliver to stop. The boy in question was Paul, who Oliver frequently talks about and often refers to as his 'best friend' in drama, so I thought nothing of it when, at the bottom of the stairs, he ran up to Paul to say good bye. Paul acted like he was under attack - which to me seemed off the scale. I went to get Oliver to leave Paul alone as I figured something was up when Paul's Mother lit into Oliver. I was taken aback and rushed him out, but looked back at her through the window. She was so rude I wanted to say something, but I figured with the kids being in class together I did not want to make a big deal about it and started to walk away. I figured this was her issue and maybe she was having a bad day. Besides Oliver didn't seem to be bothered by it. As I left though, she came out after me and confronted me saying "Yes? Is there something you wish to say to me?" I looked at her, thinking CRAZY LADY... And said, "No, it's alright". She insisted, "No. You were going to say something to me. What was it?" I can tell she's angry at me and I am thinking, Hey Crazy Lady - you were the rude one...
So I said I felt she was rude to Oliver and I didn't appreciate the tone. She lit into me. Was I aware that just 2 weeks ago Oliver was "bugging" Paul 10X and he wouldn't stop (waving his hands in his face?). And was I aware that last week Oliver was tickling Paul 5X and he wouldn't stop. I realized that in light of her bizarre off-the-scale rudeness to Oliver and this outrage over tickling and waving hands in her son's face that this was the parent who complained about Oliver hitting (not verifiable and certainly in doubt due to a lack of reliable witnesses). She had singled out Oliver as a little monster who was obviously deserving of being spoken rudely to. I indicated to her (angrily I must admit - I was under attack and so was Ollie) that I had received reports for the last 3 weeks that Oliver's behaviour had been "good to great" and that I preferred to trust the assessment of the adults in the room as opposed to a six year old. At this time, Katrina, the teacher happened to walk by and get trapped in the argument. I asked for back-up on the behavioral reports which she supplied. I felt bad for her. I didn't want to be talking to the woman, and I can imagine that she was feeling like she was in an awkward position between the two of us.
Do I think that Oliver is the perfect child - heck no! And am I supporting the teacher with the plan for helping Oliver behave better - heck yes! Do I agree with this woman? Heck no! She is definitely an over-protector who likely asks her child every day after class "Did Oliver do anything to you today?" to which the child responds "yes" because he is getting attention. He even backed off the tickling story when confronted by myself and the teacher in the company of his mother. This leads me to believe that perhaps he is getting something out of it. He is clearly one of those quiet, odd, children that doesn't like physical contact even when it is positive or accidental. But the behaviour described by both boys was well within the normal range of behaviour for children of this age. She wanted my child to modify his behaviour, however, she had no expectation for her child to modify his. She was definitely not a reliable witness. I was there on the steps. She said Oliver was "taunting" Paul and that Paul said "Please stop, Oliver, you are annoying me." I was there. I heard Paul mumble something, but if that's what he said it was in no way audible to myself or Oliver. Oliver was clearly NOT "taunting". She also said she wasn't rude when she spoke to Oliver. I heard her. When she recited again what she said is was so modified that it was laughable. I wouldn't have turned back or even noticed if that's how she spoke.
The sad thing is that I don't think there was really a problem between the kids. During the whole exchange they stood together talking looking in the windows at the Citadel. As the other mother once again referred to Oliver as the problem I gestured to the two boys and said "the PROBLEM is not with the kids - look at them. The sad thing is that Oliver thinks that Paul is the coolest kid in the class and you have managed to make Paul think that Oliver is harrassing him, when really he just likes him. The problem is here" - and I pointed to her. I don't think she got it.
Comments
Sean Q