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Monday, October 17, 2011

What Do I Want to Be When I Grow Up?

The last few weeks have felt very strange to me. I have been sick, that hasn't helped, but I have also been in a weird kind of funk about what my focus is right now. Because the last two years I had a purpose and artistic vision through Walterdale, now that my term as AD is complete I am realizing I need to find that same kind of purpose for my own life, but I am not sure how. I know I need to really focus on my writing, but I am not spending the time I should on that. There are other personal things I need to be doing with regards to my health, but I am not spending the time I should on that, either (being sick has not helped there). I feel stretched thin with my kids - trying to encourage them and help them and get them to practices and the like, but I feel like I am not doing that well. I must admit a bit of regret for the basketball because its irregularity upsets my sense of planning and scheduling, but I see it's potential for good things for both my boys. I do regret that I haven't found a way to fit in piano yet...

I know I need to sit down with myself and figure this out. A few more weeks feeling like this and I am going to lose it. I am looking forward to Playworks Ink and hoping that weekend time will provide some clarity for me. I even bought a few more colours of highlighters to help me organize my day timer in case that is what I need. I am worried, because there have been a few opportunities come my way that I had to pass on because they didn't feel right, but I worry that I will stop getting offers if I keep saying no. On the one hand, I do not want to be volunteering my time for something I do not want to do 100%, but on the other hand I do not want to miss out on fabulous experiences. I wish I could just roll a die and make my choices that way...

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