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Tuesday, June 07, 2011

Grey Clouds Mixed With Blue...

In the rational part of my brain/life I know that I have many, many blue clouds floating up above me. I have a crap-load to be grateful for and rationally I appreciate those things. I really, really do. When I suss it all out, and parse it and see it all - I am in a fabulous place. But, like most people I think, I go through these phases of grey clouds. I'm in one right now. No matter how much I speak up to my irrational brain with the rational part of my brain I see negative stuff. I feel cranky. Now, there is something specific happening that does currently contribute to this - it isn't coming out of nowhere - but it is getting harder to maintain the blue cloud exterior. People say things to me and I automatically reinterpret them in my head as a negative when they could probably have been completely neutral, or maybe they were negative things and I am right and that's why I am grumpy. I don't know. I know I am sad for some things ending and feel like I am being pushed out when my job isn't officially done. I know I still feel like I deserve an apology for how I was treated, and I know that I feel further insulted by being asked to step up into a different job. I'd do a different job - but not that one, but a conversation yesterday with someone made me feel like the job I would like is not mine to have because someone else has spoken for it. So the options are to take the job I don't want or leave completely. See - grey clouds...

1 comment:

Annemarie said...

We'll have to chat soon.....