No Man is an Island, but it's so much easier when we pretend to be...

Despite my intention to "live purposefully and without regrets" I find myself wondering about my purpose and regretting an attempt to be understood. Today I tried to let someone in on some stuff that had been bothering me for quite awhile (the stuff bothering me was not with that person but with another person we are both close to). Unfortunately for all involved I did it by email (I advise against this) and I ended up not only failing to achieve my purpose, but I also hurt them, which was not my intention.

Thus I now have regrets. I have "I feel sick to my stomach" regrets. I am not sure how to deal with this. Do we keep everything to ourselves and create our own personal island? I am not sure. I guess we could talk an objective outsider, but that doesn't offer any solutions other than venting. I have no interest in having an "outsider" understand me better. I do want the people in my life to understand me better and to understand why I act certain ways in certain situations. So if you can't reach out to them to say "this is me, these experiences changed and shaped me and continue to affect how I view and interact with the world; you know me, I need you to know me better" - If you can't tell them without hurting them too, what can you do?

I don't want to hurt people, but I don't want to live in a superficial world where I pretend everything is okay when it isn't.

I don't know.

Comments

Magnolia said…
Aw, man....
Stuff can be so complicated sometimes. I stick by what I said before about you being a "feeling, thoughtful, sensitive individual." I think that those kinds of qualities are almost always accompanied by a need to reach out and communicate, and that has inherant risks as was made evident by your experience. It just sucks when it bites you in the ass. Big hug!!!
6/21/2007 3:25 PM
Annemarie said…
You don't talk to an outsider so that they understand you. You might talk to an outsider so that they can help YOU understand you better. Particularly if everything is not ok. It's to help you.
6/22/2007 6:23 AM
Finster said…
I understand myself fine. That's not the issue.
6/22/2007 8:41 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Fringe 2024 - Friday, August 16th - A Terrific Afternoon of Shows!

Image
I caught three shows yesterday afternoon and had a wonderful time! Bright Lights - So funny and so well done! This script is hilarious but it only works because the acting and directing is so excellent! I mean, you have to figure those that attend a group for Alien Abduction "experiencers" are going to provide opportunity for huour but I was laughing so much! Great to see some of our finest local actors in this piece and some in roles you wouldn't expect to hilarious effect! See it! ROB AND CHRIS (BOBBY+TINA)-A NEW MUSICAL - Another excellent show. This one a new musical based on Collin Doyle's Let the Light of Day Through ( perhaps the best new script I have seen ever and I think of it often... ). The musical is the same but different, as it is a musical. But it is excellent. Doyle worked with Matt Graham to adapt the piece and it still has it's humour and heart break, but now with wonderful songs. I would avoid spoilers if you haven't seen the play as I th...
Read more

Sometimes it's hard to be nice... Lessons Learned with Donna Orbits the Moon and Spinsters in #yegtheatre this week...

Image
I caught two thought-provoking (and funny) shows this weekend.  Patricia Darbasie in Donna Orbits the Moon , Brianne Jang BB Collective Photography The first, Donna Orbits the Moon presented by Northern Light Theatre, was a one-woman show with the impressive Patricia Darbasie as Donna, a woman finding herself reacting with intense rage to inconveniences in her life. We are not exactly sure at the beginning why these moments are provoking such anger and violence, but there's something in the way that Donna tells the story that we are totally on her side. Indeed when I read a description online before seeing the show, I immediately connected. Too often we are expected to smile and be accommodating and the desire to say " No! " is often very strong with me. I see you, Donna! But there's something more to Donna's rage. There's a concrete reason she's suppressing and the reveal is deftly revealed in a touching and emotionally moving way (Directed by Trevor Sch...
Read more

Fringe 2024 - Saturday, August 24th - Young Wives and The Bells!

Image
I saw two shows on Saturday. I'm pacing myself this Fringe so I might not hit my usual 30+ total! But despite the slightly overcast weather, it was a nice day - not too hot and my feet could handle the walk to Sugar Swing and back to the main grounds! What a Young Wife Ought to Know - This was a very well done production of Hannah Moscovitch's script. I had not seen the show when it was done in the city in 2018 but was glad to catch it here at the Fringe. It deals with the challenges and trials of a young (a very young) wife in 1920s Ottawa dealing with managing her fertility despite a lack of support both socially and medically. This is pre-birth control pill times; this is back alley abortion and throw yourself down the stairs to end a pregnancy time; this is the time when women frequently dies in childbirth. This is the time when you are looked at with disgust and judged when you ask for help for how to prevent a pregnancy. Anyhow, the show was very well done. The cast of ...
Read more