No Man is an Island, but it's so much easier when we pretend to be...

Despite my intention to "live purposefully and without regrets" I find myself wondering about my purpose and regretting an attempt to be understood. Today I tried to let someone in on some stuff that had been bothering me for quite awhile (the stuff bothering me was not with that person but with another person we are both close to). Unfortunately for all involved I did it by email (I advise against this) and I ended up not only failing to achieve my purpose, but I also hurt them, which was not my intention.

Thus I now have regrets. I have "I feel sick to my stomach" regrets. I am not sure how to deal with this. Do we keep everything to ourselves and create our own personal island? I am not sure. I guess we could talk an objective outsider, but that doesn't offer any solutions other than venting. I have no interest in having an "outsider" understand me better. I do want the people in my life to understand me better and to understand why I act certain ways in certain situations. So if you can't reach out to them to say "this is me, these experiences changed and shaped me and continue to affect how I view and interact with the world; you know me, I need you to know me better" - If you can't tell them without hurting them too, what can you do?

I don't want to hurt people, but I don't want to live in a superficial world where I pretend everything is okay when it isn't.

I don't know.

Comments

Magnolia said…
Aw, man....
Stuff can be so complicated sometimes. I stick by what I said before about you being a "feeling, thoughtful, sensitive individual." I think that those kinds of qualities are almost always accompanied by a need to reach out and communicate, and that has inherant risks as was made evident by your experience. It just sucks when it bites you in the ass. Big hug!!!
6/21/2007 3:25 PM
Annemarie said…
You don't talk to an outsider so that they understand you. You might talk to an outsider so that they can help YOU understand you better. Particularly if everything is not ok. It's to help you.
6/22/2007 6:23 AM
Finster said…
I understand myself fine. That's not the issue.
6/22/2007 8:41 AM
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