Getting Over it...

Things happen to us. People do things to us. We live it and then it should just be done, but how come it isn't? A few years back I worked with someone who made my work-life very unpleasant. There was a whole job-sharing thing there and perhaps neither of us communicated the best during the transition, but I had thought that the strength of our friendship would make the situation a good thing. I didn't really know who I was dealing with. She was amazing as a friend so long as she was treated as the queen of her world. Once threatened (which was not my intention) she became the Queen of all Queens (think Snow White's Step-Mother). I tried to make it work. I tried to be optimistic. Some months were better than others, but just when I thought things would be alright there would be a little dig, or a big dig, or something to undermine me. Some comments were made in the staffroom (I heard about this from friends on staff), comments were made in staff meetings (once the Admin "made" her apologize) most, however, were done when we were the only two people in the room. I only spoke of the situation to a very small group of people that I trusted. We were teachers so there were professional ethics considerations and I did not want parents and students to know of the dysfunction. I also didn't want to put mutual friends in the position of "having to choose".

What do I wish happened differently? I wish I had stood up to her and called her on the persistent bullying. I wish more of my friends had seen the "real" person she was. I wish that I could have gone to work without dreading it. She was the perfect bully - being almost nice and sociable for a little while and then BAM! out came an attack. The ironic thing was she often did drama presentations against bullying with her classes (kettle, meet pot).

It's been 2 years since I moved, almost 3 since I worked with her. How come I still get sick to my stomach when I see a picture of her (blame Facebook and mutual friends)? I want to feel nothing when it comes to her.

Comments

Magnolia said…
Because you're a feeling, thoughtful, sensitive individual, that's why. People's behavior matters to you because the way you treat people is so important to how you live. The sick to your stomach feeling may just be an reminder of how important it is to treat people with respect and fairness. If bad behavior can so deeply affect a strong woman such as yourself, it could utterly cripple someone with less self esteem.
I think everyone has a person who makes them feel small and less than they are. I know I do, and I have a really hard time letting go too, so I understand where you are coming from. Here's the thing... you rock. And anyone who matters knows it.
6/12/2007 11:06 AM
Finster said…
Thanks. I need a tissue now.
6/12/2007 12:19 PM
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