Great Meeting - Great People to Work With!

Today I had a great meeting with Tracy Carroll from APN.  I am working with Tracy in a variety of capacities.  She and Brian Dooley are dramaturges for Walterdale Playhouse's From Cradle to Stage Festival so I have been lucky to work with her for 3 of the past four years - primarily coordinating, but pleased none the less with getting to know her and having her work with the playwrights. I am also working with Tracy to coordinate a Partnership with APN and Walterdale.  Exciting stuff and I am really looking forward to the kinds of things we can bring to the membership.

Of course, we talked of many things.  These kinds of meetings are what I love about Edmonton and it's Arts Scene.  There are so many talented and skilled people who are so willing to share information and feedback and just talk about things going on.  Tracy is working with Skirts Afire on their upcoming festival, as well as with the ADFA (Alberta Drama Festival Association).  She was a great resource to hear information from and beyond the meat and potatoes of our meeting I left feeling inspired and grateful for the conversation. 

I have had this feeling in many places in the Edmonton Arts Scene.  The recent Edmonton Theatre Meet-Up during Canoe festival had that same spirit of sharing and community.  At the meet-up were people of a variety of different levels but everyone was welcome and everyone shared.  It made for a great discussion. I find this same spirit with the discussions we have on the Theatre Alberta and APN Boards.  I am so glad to be able to have these sharing and learning opportunities.

I wrote this because so often I feel very insecure and isolated when I am working on things and it is meetings like the one today that remind me that there are people that are very willing to talk to me about things.  That these people are also so incredibly positive and knowledgeable and talented makes it all the better. So I guess this post is just a reflection on gratitude for all the fabulous people I have met in the Edmonton Arts Community.  I hope that I can be the same sounding board and cheerleader and resource for other people.

A Busy Week Completed...

Yesterday was busy. It was the end and the result of a very busy week. I know that the stress of the week was amped up by my being sick and the other hiccups that happened would have been easier to manage if I had not been ill, but I am glad that yesterday is now done and that all went well.

We had the Open House from about 11-4 in conjunction with the Farmer's Market. It was steady and we gained a few members and I think quite a few potential audience members. Everyone seemed to enjoy getting a look backstage. I was so thankful for the individuals who manned the show tables. They did a good job representing Walterdale as a whole as well as their individual projects. We had fun and it felt like a Season Team. I was a little frustrated that I was getting requests for 'what do we do?' from some people at the very last minute because I had no time to respond. I think it was most frustrating because I sent that information out very early on and it just wasn't passed down the chain of communication. It all worked out, but I felt kind of bad that there was a communication jag. I was particularly pleased that we finally got all the posters printed. There were a few technical issues involving 3 computers, a couple of external hard drives and lots of cables, but it all seems to have worked out. This was my most stressful thing though, because I had made promises to all the shows that the posters would be done and I wasn't sure until late on Friday that it was going to all come together. Again, I think I was more stressed by it because I was sick and because I had quite a few things to get done that I didn't have the emotional room to deal with the stress. It's done and they look lovely and that is what counts!

That evening was the AGM. It went blessedly fast and we got on with the fun. The program turned out to be shorter than planned because of some last minute cancellations on the schedule. No worries. We rolled with it and it all worked out. It was a nice evening where we could give some awards to deserving folk and enjoy what we do at Walterdale.

Now I can rest and try to get healthy... as I await Rabbit Hole auditions.

An Addendum...

I have been thinking about this since last night. One of the responses that I got from the Team when I asked why they hadn't come to me for help was that "they didn't want me to burn out". This has been expressed to me in the past, but I really don't know why. I always ask, "Do I look like I'm burning out?" and the responses is usually "no, but so and so did and we don't want to lose good people by wearing them out". I understand the concern, but I am very good about only taking on what I can handle. I have learned to say "no" when needed and I only take on what I really want to or need to. There is a point when the same people keep getting asked and I think we need to expand the pool that we pick from and talk to different people so we don't over tax certain people, but as AD I certainly want the membership to come to me if needed.

Festival Accompli!

We wrapped up the Footlight Festival on Saturday. It went smoothly but I am glad that it is done. It was an exhausting two weeks (in addition to the Staged Readings, I worked FOH three times, participated in one of the Round Table Discussions and went to one of the Variety Nights - add to that a trip to Fort McMurray on one weekend and a wedding on the other and it all adds up!). I felt a little frustrated with the communication. It all worked out in the end, but I found it hard to shake the feeling that although I thought I was clear about what was being promised, that there were people not happy with what they were getting, and that the Festival was being manipulated to deliver more. A more open and honest conversation about what was wanted vs. what was happening would have been nicer, but perhaps there wasn't time for that, or perhaps in the middle of things people didn't have the ability to articulate things in an open way. Luckily, I had two phenomenal people in the booth, who were able to handle the last minute changes and roll with it and who were able to stay past the time they were called for. I know that it also impacted on the FOH, as some of them were also required to stay later than they had expected, but they rose to the occasion. I think that everyone left happy, and I hope that those who were accommodated recognized that there were many people to thank for it.

No Man is an Island, but it's so much easier when we pretend to be...

Despite my intention to "live purposefully and without regrets" I find myself wondering about my purpose and regretting an attempt to be understood. Today I tried to let someone in on some stuff that had been bothering me for quite awhile (the stuff bothering me was not with that person but with another person we are both close to). Unfortunately for all involved I did it by email (I advise against this) and I ended up not only failing to achieve my purpose, but I also hurt them, which was not my intention.

Thus I now have regrets. I have "I feel sick to my stomach" regrets. I am not sure how to deal with this. Do we keep everything to ourselves and create our own personal island? I am not sure. I guess we could talk an objective outsider, but that doesn't offer any solutions other than venting. I have no interest in having an "outsider" understand me better. I do want the people in my life to understand me better and to understand why I act certain ways in certain situations. So if you can't reach out to them to say "this is me, these experiences changed and shaped me and continue to affect how I view and interact with the world; you know me, I need you to know me better" - If you can't tell them without hurting them too, what can you do?

I don't want to hurt people, but I don't want to live in a superficial world where I pretend everything is okay when it isn't.

I don't know.