A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Louisiana...

I has a great evening last night. It was surreal some of the time, but I really enjoyed the show. The casting and choices were very different from the production that I was in, that I was able to see them uniquely and I could appreciate each for what they were. It is so very cool to see this show with a different but totally legitimate ensemble work, but work in ways different from how my show worked. It was also fun to sit outside the action and laugh at the things I couldn't before. The changes surprised and delighted me. It was well-paced and honest and that is what you need to do to bring that show to life.

A funny thing happened in the second act that totally caught me off guard. After the 3rd scene I suddenly went to the head space I was in while doing the show. I guess the patterns of dialogue and situation sent me back there and before the lights came up on the 4th scene I was crying and emotionally distraught. I am sure the people on either side of me couldn't figure out what was up because let's face it, we didn't even know that Shelby had died yet. For that entire scene I rode those familiar achy emotions from 3 years ago. After the show I was glad to get out and decompress a little because it was weird.

After the show we struck the set (very smooth and very quick) and headed to Chez Marsh for festivities. Usually I don't go to cast parties for shows I am not involved in but I felt right at home. It was nice to see the gang from Sky and others that I have worked with in the past. A really fun evening, and a very late night!

Crying - Still Fat

Okay. So I haven't had the best week. This is primarily because I have been sick all week and that has been in combination with one or both of the boys being sick at the same time. So the "illness" factor has really messed me up. And it hasn't been a "just the sniffles" cold. I feel CRAPPY. So, in an effort to feel better in at least one part of my body, I ate poorly (my mouth was happy for a bit of time). I knew it would have an impact. Intellectually I was not beating myself up, but I knew that when I went to the WW meeting my number would be up and not down. So why was I crying when I was up 1.4 lbs? ... I think it is because I had made this committment to myself about eating and exercise. That I was going to make it a priority, and the first 2 weeks were good (not spectacular - but good), but the rest of my life keeps getting in the way of my priority. Whether it is having social engagments that revolve around food, or M being late at the store because of computer troubles so I don't get on the treadmill, or a cold/flu that completely destroys me for a week --> I feel like there is something in my way, and it feels like a COSMIC THING. I really hate being as heavy as I am. Never mind other people judging me, I judge myself. The excuses sound lame, even to me, and they are MY excuses, but there they are. I find it so much work, and I am tired, and I know that even when (not if - when) I do lose the weight, the work doesn't stop. Because if I stop working at it, I will gain it back like I did the last time and I will feel like a double failure. It is sad that I feel worthless overall in my life because of this one thing. It negates so many other things that I am that are positives. It shouldn't, but it does.

On a positive note (ha ha), I found out that I did get into the Playwright's Lab with Marty Chan. I await instructions eagerly. I hope that I can get what I need out of it.