No Man is an Island, but it's so much easier when we pretend to be...

Despite my intention to "live purposefully and without regrets" I find myself wondering about my purpose and regretting an attempt to be understood. Today I tried to let someone in on some stuff that had been bothering me for quite awhile (the stuff bothering me was not with that person but with another person we are both close to). Unfortunately for all involved I did it by email (I advise against this) and I ended up not only failing to achieve my purpose, but I also hurt them, which was not my intention.

Thus I now have regrets. I have "I feel sick to my stomach" regrets. I am not sure how to deal with this. Do we keep everything to ourselves and create our own personal island? I am not sure. I guess we could talk an objective outsider, but that doesn't offer any solutions other than venting. I have no interest in having an "outsider" understand me better. I do want the people in my life to understand me better and to understand why I act certain ways in certain situations. So if you can't reach out to them to say "this is me, these experiences changed and shaped me and continue to affect how I view and interact with the world; you know me, I need you to know me better" - If you can't tell them without hurting them too, what can you do?

I don't want to hurt people, but I don't want to live in a superficial world where I pretend everything is okay when it isn't.

I don't know.

Tumbling and Stumbling Through Life...

You ever have one of those weeks? One of those weeks where everything is just piled on top of each other. You get through one event just to have the next one roll up? I like those weeks, don't get me wrong. I like having things to do and people to see. BUT. But after those weeks are done I feel sooooo tired. I just woke from an almost 2 hour nap and I wish it had been twice as long.

Here's how spacey I am at the end of this week. Last night I went to see Chicago at Eastglen High School. It was really good. Before I went I was feeling a little out of it. We had some last minute company to our house Thurs-Sat so I spent 2 nights up talking late and that was in addition to all the "stuff" I had to do. So I contemplated not going to the play. I am glad that Mark "made" me (he said I should because I missed the last one and felt bad about it and who cares if I was going alone). Anyhow, watched the show, had fun, got up to leave, went to the lobby, couldn't find my car keys. Where were they? Went back and checked my seat - not there. Found my spares. Told my friend (the director) to keep an eye out for them. Went out to my car (hmmm maybe they dropped on the floor of my car?). Well, they were in my car, in the ignition, and the car was running, HAD been running for the whole time I was in the theatre. Luckily my car was locked and I had spares and I had enough gas to get home. Oh Boy!