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Thursday, September 25, 2014

What you want to do? Isn't that what I said?

This past summer I directed two shows at Fringe, one of which I wrote (Little Monsters) and one written by my friend Anne Marie Szucs (Crack). Over the last several weeks a few lines from the latter have been rattling in my head, making me think hard about what my time is filled by.

     ANGELA: Sometimes I wish there were 2 of me - just to do everything I want to do.
     PAM: What you want to do.
     ANGELA: Yes. Isn't that what I said?
     CHRISTINE: Pam.
     PAM: Sometimes I think you do what everyone else wants you to do – Andy, the kids, church.  Where do you fit into the list?

I find myself coming back to that question... what is it I want to be doing?  I have many things I 'have' to do.  Some are things I have put in place, some are work or store related, some are volunteer commitments, some are things that people have asked me to do and I couldn't say no to...  I would say that most of them are things I like doing, even enjoy doing, but I think the big problem is that I am just finding more and more that there are simply too many things.  I know this because the thing I wish I was doing the most - writing - is not getting done.  It is the thing that gets pushed to the back burner by all the other stuff. 

I'm trying to clear the decks a little bit.  Some of the obligations will take longer to clear up.  Some will never go away because they are related to the children and you can't just absolve yourself of them once you have them. But I do intend to take some time to write this year, AND I do plan on getting onstage this year.  Those are my two 'Things I Want to Do' that I will make happen in between all the other things I have to do. And if you catch me saying to myself, what do I want to do, know that this is what's running through my head. 

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