2004 Brings Son #2 - Gibson aka Speed Bump...

Just when you think you have the parenting thing somewhat figured out, you have a second child and all the tricks that worked with the first one do not work for the second. Gibson was a real surprise for me. For one thing, I really thought he was going to be a girl - the pregnancy was totally different than my first. I also successfully had a VBAC so I could drive the day after coming home and my body didn't feel like I had been in a car accident. I knew how to nurse. I wasn't afraid of him dying if I left him alone in his room while he slept. I was way more relaxed. BUT I didn't instantly *get* him like I did with Oliver. It took me awhile. Oliver liked to rock to sleep. Gibson wanted to just be laid down - back off Mom! Gibson was not a snuggler, nor was a he an up and down baby - he was a side to side baby. So I took a little while to get used to him.

Now he is five. He started Kindergarten this fall. While Oliver was a late talker, Gibson spoke early and well. He actually sang before he spoke, humming tunes he heard on TV or from the radio. He still sings all the time, almost unconsciously. He has always sung/hummed in tune. Even our Kindermusik Teacher was impressed (and she must hear many, many kids who sing early). I think that he will be somehow connected to music in his life. Not surprising really. I was doing a musical when pregnant with him and it had very challenging harmony. He also spent many of his early months at Honeybee Rehearsals - only really content when we sang.

In many ways Gibson was easier than Oliver. He was our second so we went through things with Oliver for the first time and had the luxury of systems in place for Gibson. However, Gibson has his challenges. He has been able to lie very convincingly from a very young age (Oliver still has a hard time). We know we must teach him to use this 'gift' for good (acting perhaps?) and realize that it isn't just about getting caught... it's about being wrong. He is also more emotional when things do not go his way. The world isn't *fair* a lot of the time for Gibson. I think he sees the things that Oliver is allowed to do and he wants the same privileges but doesn't want to wait until he is old enough. He is, however, adorable. I know, I know, I am his Mom. But he is a sweetie pie.

I am lucky with the 2 of them.

The Decade in Theatre... First half anyhow...

I did a lot of theatre in the last 10 years. The most significant shift was that I started to write and actually got some plays produced (I have had 4 plays produced - the first in 2003). For me, the playwriting has been the absolute coolest development.

It's funny to think where I started off in the decade. 2000 was a tough year at work. I had shifted into sharing the drama position. It wasn't the sharing that was hard it was working with someone who was clearly unhappy about having to share. I dealt with so many behind the scenes digs and jabs to my self-esteem. They were always delivered behind the scenes and one-on-one and thankfully I had wonderful friends to help me through that year. I also had wonderful students and a great show to direct. I guess The Wiz and One Acts saved that year. Those and the fact I was finally pregnant. Now, 10 years later, it is strange to look back on that year and where I was emotionally with regards to theatre. Dealing with that situation has taught me a lot about how to deal with where I am now, so I guess it wasn't all bad. I also did Jesus Christ Superstar at Keyano. Mark was also in the show playing Pilate so that was nice. JCS was one of those amazing shows where you know it is phenomenal (even if you are dog tired from being pregnant).

You might think that the second half of 2001 would have been a slow year because I had a baby and all that, but being on maternity leave and running a drama program at a busy high school allowed me to get back onstage at Keyano. I played Sister Mary Amnesia in Nunsense, directed by Glenda Stirling and it was wonderful. First of all, I never thought I'd get that part, but it was the one I really wanted and second of all, that was such a wonderful group of women to work with (and Mike Eddy - Musical Director Extraordinaire!). A truly fabulous experience!

I returned to work in the fall of 2002 worried about my place in the department. I stuck to the One Acts and directed 3 shows, one of which (One Beautiful Evening) we took to Interplay as a fundraiser for the theatre department. The next year (2003) I stuck to the one acts at school, but I also wrote my first play, There's a Better Way, which was an anti-vandalism musical that toured all the grade 4-9s in the Municipality of Wood Buffalo. Very cool. It went up in early 2004. I also played Doreen in Girls in the Gang. It was performed in the Recital Theatre and replaced the small ensemble course at the college that year. Directed by Laura Glover. It was a bit uneven but wonderful music and the first time I really got to act with Russell Thomas. We had been in shows together before but never in any scenes together. He was a delight to act with. He was always very present. In the summer, 7 months pregnant, I stage managed and designed Jewel for Interplay, featuring Anne Marie Szucs, after her return from all her work in Vancouver. Designing was fun and confirmed for me that I could do it.

Gibson was born in the Fall of 2004, so instead of doing anything myself, I let Mark audition for the first Interplay Dinnerplay show and even took a six week old Gibson to the show. He nursed and slept through the whole thing. In the Spring of 2005 I got my chance to direct the Interplay dinner theatre, The Owl and the Pussycat, and worked with the fabulous Lisa Ruelling and Charissa Tremblay as designers. My cast, Anne Marie Szucs and John Gaunce, were great to work with and as this was my last show in Fort McMurray before the move to Edmonton, it was a good one to go out on.

Next ---> The second half of the decade - Hello Edmonton!

The Decade of Children and Parenting...

In 2000 I finally got pregnant. This was after a couple of years of frustration, fertility medication, continued frustration, going off the the fertility medication, seeing a specialist, doing one simple investigative procedure (histosalpingogram - ow!) and then waiting for results. In the *wait time* we finally got pregnant. So in the summer of 2001, after a long non-progressing labour, we had Oliver. A few years later (2004) Gibson came along. So for the bulk of the last decade the having and raising of children has been the most significant thing in my life. Sure, we moved and we bought a store and there's all that theatre stuff, but I would drop all of the other things for the kids in a heartbeat if I had to, so there you have it.



Along with kids came the struggle to figure out parenthood. Mark and I come from very different backgrounds. I won't get into the details, as I am sure almost every set of new parents (and old parents dealing with a new aged kid) have to deal with the challenge of wanting to do things differently. I do not want to replicate my parents necessarily. I am a different person and no matter how good I turned out, my children are different from me and I am trying to find what works best for all of us. It can be easy to fall into the 'this is what my parents did and look how good I turned out' but let's be honest, no one is perfect. Anyhow, suffice it to say, we still argue and struggle with the parenting. I get frustrated with unilateral decisions that Mark sometimes makes in the moment and expects me to back him up. I don't want to undercut his authority, but it is hard when sometimes I don't agree with what he is doing. For the most part he is awesome, but there are stressful times when the plan is spontaneous when he falls back on the techniques of his mother, most of which I do not agree with as they do not suit our eldest child. I know that he thinks I am too lenient, and sometimes I do let things slide, but I am pretty sure I draw the important lines. I'm not saying I'm perfect at this. I know I am not. It's a work in progress and there are many moments I look back on and say 'I wish I did that better'.



The children. The Children. They are different. They say you get the children you can handle. We are blessed with two very high energy boys.



Oliver, our eldest, has always been super high energy. I like to think he 'attacks life' rather than lives it. This year he has mellowed a bit, but the teacher reports anxiety, something I never had to deal with from Ollie. I think he grew into the idea that he is a public person. Prior to this year he never thought about how he was perceived. I guess it is part of his development. He walked early, but talked quite late. We figured he was putting all his energy into gross motor development. A speech delay - easily remedied by a year in Early Ed. Stress for us - did we do something wrong? I don't think so. I always just knew what he wanted, so he never had to ask much. His vocabulary (language) was above average, he just couldn't make the right sounds (helicopter = harro-opper) so his speech was mild-moderate delayed. I knew, even before he started school, that we would be hearing about behavioural issues but that academically and cognitively he would be fine (better than fine). That happened and this year that seems to be getting better. At home he challenges some things - mostly the challenges come around bedtime and have to do with stopping play to go to bed. He doesn't want to. He fights us. This frustrates Mark more than I. I have my line. I can usually redirect Ollie so he doesn't cross it and if he does - that's it. No story, no snuggle, just lights out. Mark's line is a lot easier to cross and he doesn't do as much redirection as I, so Ollie crosses it more when Mark is putting him to bed. I don't know how to fix that. I can't do it every night. Sometimes I need a break and sometimes he needs to be more flexible. It's just bedtime - it's not life or death. Anyhow, I have enjoyed watching Oliver grow up to the 8 1/2 years that he is now. He is funny and musical and smart and can be patient with his brother (like right now) when he chooses to. He is usually very good with younger kids, particularly toddlers, and loves his family. He is a hugger and a snuggler and rarely fibs (and if he does, you know right away or else he tells you in less than 2 minutes because he feels guilty). I sense with him that he fights us when he feels like he has no control over what he can do. That's the way it has to be, so we will keep fighting him on the important things, but I know that the fights will get easier. Like with his homework. The first month was brutal, every day. Now, however, he knows he has to do it so the fight is gone. It's all good.



Next post - Gibson - the Sequel.

Home Again... Head Hurts...

We got back from Olds yesterday late afternoon. I caught some sort of Christmas Cold so my sinuses hurt and I have a bit of a sore throat. I also needed sleep. So, instead of sleeping, Mark and I watched the 2 movies I got him for Christmas - Terminator: Salvation and Inglourious Basterds. Awful lot of violence for the holidays! I liked the Terminator movie, but it felt thin. I wonder what someone unfamiliar with the other three movies would think of it, because I don't think it would stand up on its own. Inglourious Basterds was definitely a Tarantino movie. I don't know why I was surprised by the blood and the guts and the gore. I had to avert my eyes many times. It was a good movie, but I am still thinking about what he was trying to say. It would say something quite different without the blood and the violence. Think about it.

Anyhow, I slept in a bit this morning. The boys Wii'd and fought and played other stuff and we did more gingerbread men. The living room, which was tidy last night, is a complete mess again. I begged off a meeting due to my head hurting and my intense desire to where a grungy t-shirt and sweatpants all day and I will reschedule that for later in the week. I will have to get in gear soon. Hopefully my head will feel better sooner rather than later!

Aftermath...

It all went very well, but perhaps we let the boys stay up too late and eat too much crap. We are off to visit Mark's family tomorrow and he would like to leave by 11:30 a.m. I do not think that is going to happen. I want to sleep in. I still need to pack. They boys need to not be rushed around on someone else's time table. They have had a couple of very exciting days, and very late nights and excited early mornings.

I got a Webkinz. A Hippopotamus. I think someone heard me singing.

Tradition!

Tonight we will head over to Ma and Pa Strand's for our traditional Christmas Eve dinner of Oyster Stew (it's my Dad's family's thing). Despite not being overly fond of the stew, I will eat mine, because it takes like Christmas for me. I think there has only been one or two years when I did not have Oyster Stew on Christmas Eve. Once when I hosted Christmas Eve in Fort McMurray, I made Lasagna. I think Mark and I spent one Christmas Eve in Olds early on in the marriage. After supper and after the clean-up, we will all gather in the living room and in a somewhat organized chaos, we will open all our gifts from family (Santa's gifts are for Christmas morning). Some time during the evening Annemarie and Paul will either call, or be called and in that way, we will all be there. It is the best night. After all the gift opening, there is usually game playing and visiting and eating lots of sugar cookies and possibly chips and dip.

When we were little, we used to get big boxes from the States from our Aunts and Uncles and Grandparents. We were the only ones in Canada and we would eye these boxes with such greed. They wouldn't be opened until Christmas Eve when my dad would use one of his jackknifes to slice through the tape. One Christmas I got my first Narnia book (my older brother and sister also got one, so we have the first three books of the series) from my Aunt Janice and Uncle Adam. The gifts were small, but precious, as they came from afar. And this tradition, as well as our semi-regular family reunions, helped to keep our extended family as close as it is.

As I said before, it is the best night. I would rather miss Christmas and the turkey and deal with oyster stew than miss Christmas Eve at Ma and Pa Strand's.

Needle Woes...

I took the boys for their H1N1 shots today. I deliberately didn't tell them until just before we went. They both have a tendency to be dramatic (not sure where that comes from) and the longer they would know, they more worked up they would get. So we got the shots and within 5 minutes, Oliver threw up. Yay. That was fun. Gibson was very mad at Oliver and I because we told him it wasn't bad (it wasn't, but he said it was horrible). Luckily my Mom came with us. We waited in the medical room for Oliver's stomach to calm down and for them to make sure it wasn't an allergic reaction and she ran off to Zellers to buy Oliver a new outfit since his was pretty gross.

We are home now. You can't tell that just 2 1/2 hours ago Oliver threw up and Gibson was angry at us. They are playing actively and watching the movie that Grandma picked up when she bought the outfit. And hopefully, we are immune to H1N1.