The Evidence...

Pencil drawing by Gibson
June 22, 2007
"Portrait of Auntie Annie"

My Child, the Artistic Genius....

Okay, this is a second child I am talking about, so I am not in that happy delirious haze of first time parenthood. Had to get that out of the way first. My child, Gibson, is an artistic genius. Maybe it is too soon to tell, but if you can't brag about your children on your blog, where can you? But get this, he sings, in tune, all the time. Now, his favorite songs are "Stupid Girls" (Pink) and "Upside Down" (Jack Johnson - Curious George Soundtrack), but still, - in tune! Why is that so amazing? Well, for me it is because he is 2 years and 8 months old. The reaction of the teacher at Kindermusik has confirmed for me that Gibson's vocal skills are unusual. Most of the children his age listen to the music and dance a bit, but very rarely do they actually sing along and extremely rarely are they ever in tune. He can also tap out beats correctly and in tempo - most kids his age just bang away randomly.

So that's his musical genius - but get this - today he drew some amazing pictures for his age. Today he drew faces, with correctly placed eyes, noses, ears, mouths and hair. I know that is unusual for his age. His older brother (almost 6) doesn't even consistently do that when he draws. Get ready Auntie Annie for your first portrait a la Gibson --> it's a beauty!

So will I become a psycho stage parent? Pushing him to develop. Vocal lessons at age 3, shoving gouache and water colours into his hands at age 4? I hope not. But I think it is cool and if he likes singing and drawing I will provide that outlet, after all I like to do those things too.

Now, if I can only get through potty training!

No Man is an Island, but it's so much easier when we pretend to be...

Despite my intention to "live purposefully and without regrets" I find myself wondering about my purpose and regretting an attempt to be understood. Today I tried to let someone in on some stuff that had been bothering me for quite awhile (the stuff bothering me was not with that person but with another person we are both close to). Unfortunately for all involved I did it by email (I advise against this) and I ended up not only failing to achieve my purpose, but I also hurt them, which was not my intention.

Thus I now have regrets. I have "I feel sick to my stomach" regrets. I am not sure how to deal with this. Do we keep everything to ourselves and create our own personal island? I am not sure. I guess we could talk an objective outsider, but that doesn't offer any solutions other than venting. I have no interest in having an "outsider" understand me better. I do want the people in my life to understand me better and to understand why I act certain ways in certain situations. So if you can't reach out to them to say "this is me, these experiences changed and shaped me and continue to affect how I view and interact with the world; you know me, I need you to know me better" - If you can't tell them without hurting them too, what can you do?

I don't want to hurt people, but I don't want to live in a superficial world where I pretend everything is okay when it isn't.

I don't know.

Back on track...

Today I have been running around like crazy, but I managed to stop in for weigh in. I am happy to report that I am down another 2 lbs for a grand total of 20.4 lbs! It feels great to crack the 20 lb barrier. I am feeling better and the sunny days are exciting because they are so much easier to face! I do need to get to the grocery store for more fruits and veggies. I will also have to watch it this weekend because it is a big family weekend with a BBQ or two and a couple of birthday celebrations. No backsliding!

Getting Over it...

Things happen to us. People do things to us. We live it and then it should just be done, but how come it isn't? A few years back I worked with someone who made my work-life very unpleasant. There was a whole job-sharing thing there and perhaps neither of us communicated the best during the transition, but I had thought that the strength of our friendship would make the situation a good thing. I didn't really know who I was dealing with. She was amazing as a friend so long as she was treated as the queen of her world. Once threatened (which was not my intention) she became the Queen of all Queens (think Snow White's Step-Mother). I tried to make it work. I tried to be optimistic. Some months were better than others, but just when I thought things would be alright there would be a little dig, or a big dig, or something to undermine me. Some comments were made in the staffroom (I heard about this from friends on staff), comments were made in staff meetings (once the Admin "made" her apologize) most, however, were done when we were the only two people in the room. I only spoke of the situation to a very small group of people that I trusted. We were teachers so there were professional ethics considerations and I did not want parents and students to know of the dysfunction. I also didn't want to put mutual friends in the position of "having to choose".

What do I wish happened differently? I wish I had stood up to her and called her on the persistent bullying. I wish more of my friends had seen the "real" person she was. I wish that I could have gone to work without dreading it. She was the perfect bully - being almost nice and sociable for a little while and then BAM! out came an attack. The ironic thing was she often did drama presentations against bullying with her classes (kettle, meet pot).

It's been 2 years since I moved, almost 3 since I worked with her. How come I still get sick to my stomach when I see a picture of her (blame Facebook and mutual friends)? I want to feel nothing when it comes to her.

Juggling Life

I have so many balls in the air right now. It is all planned out and working, but there is little down-time. I wonder how I can do this sometimes. I go from one event or activity to the next with little time to breathe in between. I make it happen. I complain sometimes, but I don't do a lot to change the overall structure of my life. I think, for me, I don't reduce the number of activities because some of them are not my activities by choice. I have to do them. I have to get Oliver off the bus. I have to feed the kids. I have to deposit my cheque in the bank and pay my bills. When you add in laundry and cleaning and all that stuff you could easily fill a day. I need the other things like the writing conference and the rehearsals and choir practice so that I have some things that I am doing just for me.

Downward trend continues...

I was down another 0.2 lbs this week after being really bad with the eating. So my grand total is 19 lbs. Yay! The nice weather is what has saved me I think, because I have been outside and moving and that really helps.