You Can't Get Something for Nothing.... aka There's No Such Thing as a Free Lunch...

Those of you who know me, know that I do a lot of volunteering. I generally enjoy it and much of my volunteering has also paid me in other ways - experience, friendships, skill development, artistic satisfaction, etc... Because of the work I have done volunteering or free of charge (like this blog when I use it in support of Edmonton Theatre) has started to bring requests from people for more.

Some of these requests are very flattering and even exciting.  Being asked to work on a show by someone you respect and on a project that you feel challenged and inspired by is very cool.  Being asked to be a part of a Board or Committee that contributes to an enriched experience for artists and their audiences can be amazing. I do not want those requests to stop. I always hope when I ask people to work on my shows that they know that I am asking because I respect their talent AND that I think the artistic pay-off for them will make it worth their while.  I understand when people say 'no' because it's unpaid and there are people that I only ask when I know that there can be some sort of financial compensation because it is their livelihood. I know that people are doing me a favour working on my project, and I work hard to make sure that it is a positive and fulfilling experience for them. I believe in quid pro quo.  There are times when I am asked and I know that it is more to help someone out - a friend, someone who has talent but not a lot of experience, someone who needs a leg up - it may not be an activity that is particularly gratifying for me in action, but the gratification comes from helping someone to develop and grow.  They are also usually someone that I feel has a level of respect for me and that I know well enough to know that they have talent that I want to invest my time in. Usually when this happens, there is also a level of 'thank you' that makes it even more worthwhile.

But over the last couple of years something weird started happening.  I started to get requests from people that I barely knew, or people that I didn't even know at all, to help them.  I have been asked to promote a company I know nothing about, to meet to 'pick my brain about how to produce a show', to act as a casting agent for an unpaid workshop of a new play that I haven't read for a playwright I have never met - all without any offer of compensation - not even a free coffee. I wonder at the chutzpah of these people.  Some of them have been referred to me by a mutual friend.  I wonder at my 'friends' who blithely give my name and contact information out.  I know when I refer someone I tend to contact my friend first and ask if it is okay if I connect them to another person. But people need to know that just because someone volunteers this does not mean that their time and skills are free for anyone to use.  That is a bit insulting.

I guess the bottom-line is that, while I like to volunteer, I also like to choose my projects.  I not only want to work on something challenging and exciting, but I also want to work with people who respect me and are generally fun to work with.  Just because I might work for free on one thing does not mean that my time is up for grabs.  I continue to be involved in Board Work for various organizations and I love this. I will work the occasional casino because I know how far that funding goes. I have a project that I am working on in the fall that I am very excited by and it is volunteer but I anticipate that I will be paid artistically.  I want the opportunities to keep coming in, but I do want them to be relevant and meaningful.  What I do not want is to feel used and taken for granted. I don't think any volunteer does.

Finding Out How It All Works...

I'm a bit tired this morning.  I drove to Calgary Saturday afternoon and drove back late last night.  I was there for my second Theatre Alberta Board meeting.  The first meeting was immediately following the AGM this past summer and it was a wee introduction, but this longer meeting was a much better introduction and orientation to what I will be doing on the Board.  I am now Chair of the Governance Committee and I think that will be a good fit for me.  This is the committee that checks in on how we are doing with our very comprehensive 3 Year Plan.  The foresight and scope of the Board and Organization as a whole was very impressive to me.  I have been a fan and member of Theatre Alberta for a long time, but seeing behind the scenes made me more fully realize why the programs and services are so good. The Quality was linked to the amount of work put in to make it that good.

I enjoyed meeting and talking with the rest of the Board Members.  Everyone seems very invested in Theatre and both passionate and sensible.  There were lots of great ideas and sharings going on around the table.  I think this is going to be a great experience for me and I hope that I will be able to contribute in a valuable way!

After the meeting I squeezed in a quick bite to eat with my friend Wanda.  Always good to see and visit with but too short.  I wish I got to Calgary more often so I could see her more.  It was a quick and dirty share about kids and life and all that.  I am hoping that we get a longer visit in November and that we can share some wine (we didn't last night as we both had some driving to do!).

Grease is the Word

We went to the Broadway Across Canada production of Grease at the Jubilee tonight. It was fun. Very surreal, however, because the chronology was so different from the movie and I know the movie so well. Once I settled in and just accepted it as going to be different I had a lot of fun. Some major issues with mic balance (which shouldn't happen for that much money!) but we had a good time. We go with Richie and Vero and it is nice to have those pre-established 'dates' so we get to see them. I have plans to bring Vero lunch and hang with her and the baby, but we have to pick a date! Anyhow, it was a nice night out. We went for supper and the show and it was all good.

A Cautious Exterior...

I think I make a good first impression. I could be wrong, but I feel pretty good about how I first meet people. It have been interesting meeting new people, however, since I moved to Edmonton. One thing about McMurray is that most people didn't start out there. They are used to the influx of new people looking to find friends in the new place that they might be in for awhile. In Edmonton it has been different. I have noticed that a lot of people are far more guarded when I first meet them. I am not sure why that is. What I have learned to do is discard the first impression and go on the 2nd or even the 3rd meeting as my gauge for who this person is. What is even more interesting is that I have had friends on both sides of a meeting tell me that they didn't think the other person liked them based on their first impression. They are both being territorial and guarded and they both are seeing that in the other person and so they both come away from the meeting thinking the other person stand-offish or unfriendly. I don't know what to say. I generally say, Give it another time or two... I like them, you trust my judgement, don't you?

Anyhow, I have noticed this at parties, at meetings, at baby showers, at auditions, and at first rehearsals. I know that some of those situations have tensions associated with them. At others I look for our common friend. If I trust their judgement in a person, I give the individual a pass on that first meeting and hope for better at the next. That's all you can do.

I looked back... now to the future...

Already there are some things in the works for this year, but I am going to try to control the shape of my year better. Last year was great, but there was a tumble, tumble to it because each project or commitment rolled into the next and I felt like I had no down time. Even when I had a few days off I felt guilty if I didn't work on things I knew were coming up and I want to avoid that this year. Wish me luck.

My resolutions, if you want to call them that, as as follows:

1. Think carefully about what I commit to. I am avoiding taking much responsibility for the fact that it is my 25th High School Reunion (if we have one). I will help but I will not chair. Hopefully I will be able to attend, but I have some things on the table already for the summer so I can't be responsible for anything else. I also planned the first two. I was Chair for the 10th and heavily involved for the 20th (and the only one of the committee actually living in Fort McMurray so you know how that goes). I want to see everyone, but someone else should step up. With theatre I will also have to watch it. Right now I have a crazy February. My fault. I wasn't paying attention. I am going to be more careful about what I commit to for the rest of the year, including when 'my' show for Walterdale will be in the 2010-2011 season. Another part of this thinking carefully is that I will trust my instincts and say 'no' when the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Despite the allure of the project one of the things I have learned is that there will be no shortage of opportunities for me in the future. I don't have to do them all!

2. Fitness. I should set a concrete goal. But really I have to just start. I have let my personal fitness slide because of the chaos of my life (i.e. no time). I turned to crap food too often because I needed a reward and I had no time for a pedicure or a vacation. Bad. Oh well, I am not going to beat myself up about it, because then I will feel bad and want to eat more. Right now (like this minute) I am trying to detox from all the Christmas crap and I am not buying any more. I am also going to start by getting on the treadmill for a minimum of 1 hour a day for 3 days a week. In March I will increase that to 4 times a week and in April I will go for 5 times a week. That's the plan. I am also going to be attempting to reduce the diet coke intake. Already I have increased my water intake (it's not hard to increase from basically zero). In April I will revisit and see where I am at.

3. Writing. I really want to have more time for writing. I am keeping October open so that I can go to Playworks Ink. I missed it the last 2 years and I loved it the year I went. In my busy life that is what I wish I had more time for so I must make time for it... after February is over...

4. Friendships. I think I am pretty good at these, but I do want to make at least one trip to see Wanda and I wouldn't mind a trip to Toronto to see Annemarie and Tina. I feel like I need to make that time.

That's a good list. I'll let you know how it goes!

Rock N' Roll

I had a lovely night out yesterday. Rock n' Roll by Tom Stoppard is playing at the Citadel and my University roommate from waaaaaaay back is in it. I was so excited to see her head shot on the Citadel's website as I have not seen her onstage for 9 years (Stratford in Summer 2000). She primarily works in the East since she lives in Toronto and Stratford, but this co-pro with The Canadian Stage Company was a nice opportunity for her to come back to Edmonton for a stint. When I wrote her she did reply "you realize I am only in about 8 minutes in the latter half of Act Two". Didn't matter. I wanted to see her and the show as it sounded like a show that involved thinking and wasn't necessarily predictable. We met for a nice dinner and visit before the show and then I met up with Mark and friends to see the show. Following the show we met up with her in the lobby and she introduced us to some of the cast (including Fiona Reid who played the female lead). So great to see her again. She has not aged a single day. And it was so nice to feel that despite almost 10 years it does still feel like we know each other.

The show was interesting. I would have liked a little cleaner set-up in the first act and it could have stood some judicious editing (but who is going to tell Stoppard to cut a line?). A couple of the actors were the 'wrong ages' but that is a challenge when the play spans 30 years and Stoppard himself demands doubling in the script so where an actor might be right for the age of the character in the first act, there is a shift in act two that doesn't necessarily read right. There are a couple of characters that seem unimportant to the play in function (Magda? what was the point of her?) but it was nice to see a professional show that reached beyond a cast of 4. I am still thinking about the play and I think I would like to read it. Not knowing the history of the music of Czechoslovakia I was a little lost in some places. But I liked it for it's aesthetic and it's reach.

I Love Hosting Parties!

Last night was my 3rd Annual 40th Birthday Party. I do not have it to prolong my youth, but rather because the 1st one was so fun, I decided to keep having that party, once a year, every year, until I hit 50! I was a month off the actual birth date, but Sweeney kind of ate up the month of October, so no worries! In any case, it was so much fun. I am blessed to know so many wonderful, fun and talented people. They kept the karaoke machine running all night long from 7:20 p.m. until 3:15 a.m. (I was pretty good in my assessment that the party would go to 3:00 a.m.). We had people ranging in age from 3 1/2 months to older than me (I am not outing anyone's age!). We had the Fuss Cupcakes that I love (I think I will invest in more minis and less full size ones next year - that way you can try more than one and not feel like a piggy!). I missed a few people that couldn't make it, or forgot, or got ill at the last minute, but the BEST was that my sister surprised me by flying in from Toronto for the party. Only my Mom knew she was coming. She was in the city for approximately 24 hours! How cool is that!?! I am pretty sure she had fun, so hopefully it was worth it for her - I definitely appreciated it!

Next year it will be just as much fun! I promise!

Looking for the Beat...

I am back home now for over a week and I am in search of the rhythm for the summer. The boys have had one week of Daycamp and I used that week to get quite a bit done.

I got 4 large bags of 'stuff' for Goodwill packed and out of the house. I cleaned the front vestibule (vestibule... I like that word) which was smelling like little and big boys shoes (because that's mostly what is in the vestibule). The vestibule now smells a lot like pine-sol.

I set up the Daycare arrangement for Gibson for the Fall (yay!). I now believe that the 1 - 1.5 year waiting list hype about daycares is a myth. The lists look that long because everyone gets themselves on 10-15 waiting lists and then when people start calling with a spot they get through it fairly quickly. My 1-1.5 year wait was in actuality 2 weeks! Ah, but the daycare is nice and close to the Uni and is a university affiliated daycare (good quality generally) and I liked it. I think it will be good for Gibson.

I called the University about my application... still waiting on the Keyano Transcript. Only 14 spaces left in the class I want... hurry up!

I rehearsed twice this week. I am about 75% off book, which I should be happy with, but I am kicking myself. It is still a month away. I have also been making chocolate Cinderella Lollipops for the press packets. I am quite enamoured of this and haven't been eating much chocolate at all. I promise. I spent a bit of time at Michael's to get the stuff for the press packets and I really love Michael's. Perhaps too much so. I also wrote my bio for the program (check!).

Yesterday I went for lunch with my good friend Tanya, who I had not seen since her ill-fated wedding over 8 years ago. We have written and talked on the phone, but this was a long over due face-to-face visit. We (and Gibby) had a nice 2 hour power chat over lunch at BP's. So great to see her again and reconnect. I have these wonderful friends from over the years and I am glad they feel the same way about me!

So, where is the beat to the summer? I am still trying to find it. There are too many small chores to do that an actual identifiable beat may not be possible.

My 100th Post!

Just thought I'd mention it was #100.

Anyhow, I made it through my show last night despite making up a complete verse to a song. Apparently it made sense and rhymed and was in tune. I have no idea what I said, but I am glad I made it through to the next section of the song.

I think I was nervous because I had lots of "peeps" in the house. I am always far more nervous in front of friends as opposed to strangers. Strangers - you never see them again, Friends - now they know what you can and cannot do. It all went well and they seemed to enjoy the show.

I am not sure if it was our best show - Saturday was MY best so far - I think the Review was hanging over our heads. We worked it though and did the job. That's all you can do.

Dinner with friends...

Thursday night I was fortunate enough to be able to go out with my two best pals. W was up from Calgary and AM came in from Stony and I didn't need to be at rehearsal so we met for a marathon dinner at the Blue Plate Diner (6:00 - 10:00 p.m.). The waiter left before us (ha ha). I have been friends with these 2 for a long time. We met through..... Keyano, of course, but mutual interests, babies, and the freedom to be who we really are with each has strengthened the friendship. I love this friendship, because it is definitely a 3 friend thing, with no one being left out, and yet and I still friends with each of them individually. As Martha would say, "It's a good thing." (yes, girls, those "quotes" are for you). I am also glad because we are all working on keeping the connection despite the fact that all three of us have moved to new places in the last 2 years. Distance and time are hard to overcome, but I thank Facebook and email and the phone and the fact that W's Dad lives in Edmonton and AM will drive in for theatre. It's all good.

Friends

I had a really nice visit with a good friend of mine who was in town this week. She and I both lived in Fort McMurray for many years and we did a show together (Oliver) when she first moved up there. I remember we were all very guarded about her at first because she was new to the theatre and the city and got the lead in the show. That is a tough position to be in for a person new to a theatre community. Anyhow, once we got to know her it was alright - better than that - because she was just as cool as we were (ha ha ha). I remember showing her how to paint on cleavage because she didn't have any and she played a whore.

Anyhow, over the years I did a lot more shows and she did a few and started having kids. When I started having kids we were both pregnant at the same time twice, so that's kind of cool. She has 4 boys and I have 2 so they came over yesterday and tore around the house and had a good time. I got to visit with my friend and it was just like old times. Last night we met up with more "old friends" and went to Blades of Glory and laughed like idiots. It was very nice.

Old Friends

Last night I went to dinner with one of my best friends. We actually don't talk/email very much, but I used to work with her and see her every day. I love how it is with old friends. You can pick up at a moments notice and it's great. I also love that neither of us feels guilty for the lack of communication in the interim. There is no blame on either side and that is great. I think we both understand the "busy-ness" of life and just accept it. Now, don't get me wrong, I think it takes work to maintain those friendships. It would be easy to just let things slip away, but why not take the time when you can.

When I moved to Edmonton from Fort McMurray the thing that stressed me the most was leaving my friends. However, I have managed to keep contact. E-mail is great for that, and people who know me know that I am not adverse to writing a snail mail and sticking a stamp on an envelope. Actually it is harder to get me on the phone because of the chaos of children. I think because I measure the richness of my life in people, not money, I have tried to make those human connections last.

It was a nice dinner and it was so good to see her.